Caregiving — Blog — Gabrielle Earnshaw

“Self-care is not something to add to our already full to-do list or to relegate to an annual vacation. It must become an intentional way of living where our values, attitudes and actions are integrated into our day-to-day routines. To me, there is a moral imperative to making sure that we work diligently at this to remain healthy ourselves, but also to ensure that we have what we need to give to others. We deserve it – and so do they.” Michelle O’Rourke

Note: this review was published in Fully Alive, the professional magazine of the Religious and Moral Education Council of the Alberta Teachers' Association. Vol. 5, No. 1, Fall 2020.

Burn-out. Fatigue. Stress. These are some of the issues facing caring professionals - including teachers - in our task-oriented society. Teaching during a pandemic has pushed these afflictions to new levels One antidote is self-care. In this timely and affirming book, emergency room and parish nurse, lay minister and hospice founder, Michelle O’Rourke explores the concept of caring for ourselves so we can care for others. O’Rourke notes: “Time and again, I have witnessed how beautiful hearts, including my own, have become tired and broken when the burden of caring becomes too onerous. With millions of people involved in caring professions in North America, and millions more caring for their own families and friends in an unpaid role, supporting and nourishing caregivers is a monumental but essential task.”

If you have even found yourself asking “How do I care for my students without sacrificing my own well-being?” this book is for you. While the book is aimed primarily at health-care professionals, there is much wisdom for teachers as well. It is about spending time raising self-awareness so you can be a better caregiver. O’Rourke, a practitioner with four decades in the field, observes, “Even if you’ve been engaged in the profession for a while. It is good to sit back and reflect.” She encourages readers to take time to be in touch with their heart and soul and ask what is going well, what is causing difficulty, and what changes might help redirect them to live more in line with their own inner values and who they want to be.

A key feature of the book is O’Rourke’s use of beloved Catholic priest Henri Nouwen as a wisdom teacher about healthy caregiving. In fact, the book was commissioned by the Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust, the body responsible for his legacy since his death in 1996, to extend Nouwen’s spirituality to modern care practitioners.

Nouwen wrote nearly forty books on spirituality and the inner life including The Wounded Healer and his understanding of care as one of mutuality and self-awareness sets the foundation for the book: “I definitely believe that we can only care to the degree that we are in touch with our own doubts and fears, just as we can only listen to the story of the other by knowing our own.”

Nouwen’s insights are the foundation for each chapter, but O’Rourke also features the work of other experts including Parker Palmer, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen. Alongside the experts, O’Rourke weaves in personal stories drawn from her own life as well as from chaplains, social workers and other professional care providers. At the end of each section are thoughtful self-reflective questions “to encourage the reader to explore their own care experiences and inner landscape...” Readers could use these questions as the basis for a personal retreat or group discussion.

An additional strength of the book is O’Rourke’s expertise in curating resources that readers might take up in their practice of self-care. She includes a helpful summary of mindfulness by Jon Kabat-Zinn, tips on how to use writing as a self-discovery tool and a good introduction to the practice of self-compassion by Kristen Neff to name just a few.

The crux of the book is about the essential nature of care. It covers such topics as suffering, power, and entering into the pain of the other. O’Rourke explores the differences between job, career and calling, care versus cure as well caregiving as a sacred vocation. The challenges of caregiving – the physical, emotional, mental, spiritual costs – are examined in detail. Concrete strategies for compassionate care are suggested: examine your bias, acknowledge your judgementalism, give up control and enter into your weakness. Meditations on patience and time offer new insights that might change readers understanding of how to be present in difficult situations. The power of listening and being (as opposed to doing) are also explored. Brené Brown’s “myth of self-sufficiency” as well as the concept of “enough” are offered as useful tools for identifying ways you might sabotage yourself as you care for others. The importance of building community with colleagues, looking out for signs of distress in fellow carers as well as tips on how to ask for help provide important lessons on how to sustain yourself as a professional caregiver for the long-haul. Many of the suggestions would be applicable not just to classroom teachers but also the people who care for them, including school principals and other upper-level administrators.

While the book is written for a broad audience, sections on sustaining the spirit will be particularly meaningful for religion teachers. O’Rourke draws readers attention to the concept of “sanctuary” by Parker Palmer. It is about finding places, rhythms, practises that nourish the soul “for your own sake, and for those who you care for and care about.” Gratitude journals, telling care stories, inspirational reading, quiet time, formal retreats are some suggestions to nourish the spirit. Other sections on growth and transformation will be equally meaningful.

In 1976, Henri Nouwen, gave a public talk at Yale Divinity School called “Living the Questions: The Spirituality of the Religion Teacher.”* In it, Nouwen reflected on the role of teacher of religion. He said, “The religion teacher is called to help students in the discovery of their own most personal search by entering with them in a common vulnerability so that in the mutual relationship between teacher and student the questioning Lord can be made visible.” Healthy Caregiving is the resource you need to take up Nouwen’s challenging call and flourish in the sacred undertaking of teaching.

* See https://discoverarchives.library.utoronto.ca/index.php/living-the-questions

For more information: http://www.twentythirdpublications.com/hecapeforcan.html